Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Essential Music Definitions

In our ongoing efforts to educate the reader, we are proud to offer the following definitions. We trust the reader will now have a better undertsanding of the world of popular music and that these definitions assist with the reader in making the right listening choices.

1. Dylanquent (n.): a person, predominantly young, who displays antisocial behaviour as a result of listening to Bob Dylan.

2. Hallelucination (n.): the experience of continuing the belief that Leonard Cohen's original version is superior to Jeff Buckley's cover.

3. Lobosexual (n.): a sensitive singer/songwriter of indeterminate sexuality.

4. Bonophobe (n.): one who fears the "cause du jour" preaching by famous mega rock stars or other celebrities.

5. Silvercherish (v.): to stubbornly hold onto the view that one's recent work has artistic or commercial value despite continual and obvious proof otherwise.

6. Zepplinen (n.): used bed sheets and other bedroom artifacts acquired by groupies and fans in the late 60's and early 70's.

7. Diarrhoereed (n.): 1. the complete works of Lou Reed 2. the result of listening to Lou Reed.

8. Psycholoasis (n): the study of brothers whose combined brains do not even register an IQ reading, yet function quite normally when separated.

9. Jaggernaut (n): any pompous, flambouyant prat who still thinks they are rebelling against the establishment that they have become part of.

10: Mariahcisstic (adj.): an abnormally high opinion of one's own output that has been universally shunned even by peers. To be a Social Mariah.

11: Eaglomaniac (n.): a once great person who comes out of retirement for all of the wrong reasons, usually related to money, and maintains they have current relevance.

12: Reggaelia (adj.): 1. the adoption of a musical form, or lifestyle, primarily to facilitate the smoking of marijuana. 2. the fashion of marijuana

13: Westerburglar (n.): one who obtains success through imitation of obscure innovators. Westerburgaled (v.): the act of stealing the work of another and receiving greater appreciation, fame, success than the originator.

14: Replacementia (n.): the emotional trauma of being Westerburgaled

15: Bjorkward (adv.): 1: the embarassing moment when realisation strikes that what was considered high art genius is merely mediocre madness. 2: when lack of talent is considered art.

16: Supertrampelistic (n.): any person or persons that were highly respected one decade and almost entirely forgotten the next. See also Supertrampelisticexpelledforbeingaudacious.

17: Elvision (n.): the religious like phenomenon of seeing dead rock stars in convenience stores and fast food outlets.

18: Powderfungus (n.): discomfort cause from gunpowder residue as a result of shooting oneself in the foot by accepting the accolades and promotions of commercial pop culture whilst still trying to maintain serious alternative music credibility.

19: Eminemena (n.): anything that may have once been considered new and refreshing, or different, but is now only used to produce a bowel movement. See also Diarrhoereed.

20: Vanillacide (n.): self inflicted musical or creative death by attaching the word Vanilla to any artist name, performance, song, or album.

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